My Testimony

TodayI visited my dear sister in the Lord, Hope, after my patchwork class. I don't have much contact with the outside world these days, since I only work on Fridays now. We were talking, amongst other things, about our testimonies and how the Lord drew us both out of sin, and the world, and gave us new life in Him. I never cease to be amazed at how He could call someone like me, with all my stubbornness, laziness and faults, and make me into a new creation. What a marvellous God we serve.
I grew up in a church environment, but it was a dead, traditional church and I don't remember that I ever heard or responded to the Gospel. With the little that I did know, I remember that I did love Jesus from an early age, and considered myself to be a Christian. However, because I was not truly born again, I had no power over sin, and I lived a duality - church on Sundays and flirting with the world the rest of the week.
During my years at university, I continued to struggle with sin, and decided that perhaps I should become an atheist like most of my lecturers. It was then that I was given a vision of a white handkerchief flapping in the wind, almost flying away......except that a hand was holding that handkerchief by one thread. From that moment, I knew that I could never leave Him and that He was hanging onto me. Despite my sin and rebellion, He had not let me go. And the search began.
I went through a time of deep repentance, and there was a battle for my soul in those days. I had dabbled in many carnal and even occult activities. I still could not say that at that time I was born again. Although I had returned to church and my heartfelt desire was now to love and serve the Lord, I still struggled with sin.
But the Lord is longsuffering and abounding in mercy. How patiently He bore me!
I married, assuming that my husband was a Christian with the same deep desire for God as me. This was not the case, but the Lord uses all our circumstances and sorrows and trials to bring us to that place of complete surrender to Him. That is the work of the Cross.
One day I prayed "Lord, I am willing to completely surrender my life to you - to go all the way up the mountain - and I am no longer afraid of the cost". It was a couple more years, however before I was ready - the ground still needed tilling!
I was finally born again in May 1995, and what a birth it was! On my face on the loungeroom floor, I wept as I saw myself for what I was. I had no love. All the love, goodness or compassion I imagined myself to have was worth nothing because it was my own and not His. If I did not love Him with my whole heart, then I could not love Him at all, so therefore I was fit only to be sent to hell!
And He saved me. Even me!
I would love to say that from that time on, my life was one beautiful sucess story, that my husband got saved, my children all grew up in the Lord, I walked in sinless perfection ever after.....
But that is not the reality. The process of sanctification is a daily refining, and there is work to be done in me yet, and there always will be whilst I dwell in this old tent.
"But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung that I may win Christ. And be found in Him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death, if by any means I may attain unto the resurrection of the dead. Not as though I had already attained, either were already made perfect, but I follow after if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:7-14
May the Lord bless you all dearly,
Yours in Christ
Bonny